Confidence. It's an area I struggle with a lot. I don't do things in the same way as most other people and don't always feel like I fit in in certain environments (and admittedly am not trying to conform and be something I'm not either) so it can be quite hard sometimes to feel self confident.
I posted a version of this to Instagram yesterday and got a DM from a reader that said "I look at you and I automatically think that there's no way this guy could ever struggle with self confidence issues. He's fit, good looking, beautiful family, great job, etc. I guess you never know what people have going on in their heads".
I'm sharing this not because of the compliments (although they're nice and help me with my own confidence) but because its true, we don't know what's going on in anybody's head, life or world at any given moment. We don't know what issues they struggle with and what insecurities, vulnerabilities and baggage they're carrying. Everybody is wired differently. My hope and belief is that it's important to show vulnerability, authenticity and compassion. To try and be kind, supportive and generous. To manage to people, not solely to margin and to speak up and stand up for yourself and for those who need help. If by sharing some of the realities, anxieties and challenges that I struggle with helps other guys out there then that's great and it also helps me to feel better as well.
One more before we get to the tips... Joel "Thor" Neeb; who's; been on the Podcast and is one of the most impressive men on the planet added this "Lack of confidence is an advantage for someone with a growth mindset! I've always had imposter syndrome and that's fueled massive effort to become better". I bet some of you are the same...
Here are 10 tips to help with self confidence:
1. Get older! Ok, this one just takes time...Literally years but as I've gotten older, I simply no longer care as much about what anyone thinks about me. In fact, I've come to realize that most are not really thinking about me at all...They're too busy thinking about themselves.
2. Personal Style. Find what works for you and what makes you feel and look good. Have to wear a suit for work? There's a big difference between Brooks Brothers and Theory. You can comply without having to lose your individuality. I see this every day when I drop my kids off at school. They all have the wear the same uniform; however some of them find amazing ways to "own it". Develop your own uniform (I've touched on this before) of pieces that bolster your bravado.
3. Grooming. Mens grooming products are expected to grow by 160B over the next few years. You no longer have to sneak using your wife's pricey goods, use the same crap you've been using since college or worse...Keep ignoring your appearance. Clean yourself up. Hair, skin, nails...Man up.
4. Family. Your own family or friends who are the family you get to choose. Surround yourself with a tight and supportive circle.
5. Preparation. Practice, study, role play, write it out, warm up...You don't have to be the smartest in the room, just the most prepared.
6. Exercise. I may sound like a broken record here but I just don't "get" people that don't exercise. Maybe they've got so much innate confidence that they can give zero fucks about taking care of themselves; however for the rest of us exercise is the simplest and best thing you can do for yourself self esteem and health both mentally and physically.
7. Know your values and live by them. People, business and life will constantly test you, mistake kindness for weakness and conviction for arrogance (and I fail often) but I try to live by The Four Agreements.
8. Cut negative self talk and comparison. Drown out the noise. Replace by rewarding yourself for each small win, having a positive personal mantra and practicing gratitude for what you do have rather than what you don't.
9. Do what you like to do with people you like being around. It's that's simple. You have a choice. I really can see how people get stuck in a rut and doing the same things with the same people year after year knowing they're not having much fun and feeling fulfilled yet they just keep going along for the ride...I was one of them. Mix things up. You'll be pleasantly surprised by all that's out there for you.
10. Money. Money doesn't buy confidence, but the freedom and security money can provide instills confidence and opportunity.