Stop Looking And Start Being

Far too many people are looking for the right person instead of trying to be the right person - Gloria Steinem

Now, I realize that this is The Midlife Male Blog and the first thing you read this week is a quote from one of the leading feminists of our time, however she makes a really fucking good point.

How much time, energy and happiness have you wasted doing this? I've wasted a ton...

The client has to be the right fit for us...No they don't. Set the parameters, do the deal. Collect the revenue. Move forward.

Before I can start to get in shape I have to find the right trainer. No you don't. Just get up, start walking, throw in a few pushups, sit-ups, squats and boom. You're on your way.

I can't go see that show, I don't have the right person to go with me. Buy the ticket, enjoy the show. You'll probably even have a great seat because there's always singles available.

I'm going to argue my point with you because I need you to see it my way and I need to win. Nope, we can agree to disagree. Turn the page. I'm done winning battles and losing wars.

If we focus on being the best version of ourselves that we can be, we will find the right people. Or better still, the right people will find us.

So what holds us back? What keeps us from being and becoming the person that we want to be? What keeps us from being our own right person?

Confidence and security. It drives everything.

How can you develop confidence, reinforce security, put yourself in positions where you are supported, feel good, comfortable, accepted, not judged?

Are you building people up, being built up or torn down by those around you? Are you spending your time looking for the right person or being the right person?

I didn't realize this for a while but everything that you want to BE is already out there.

The life you want to live; somebody is living it; and they're willing to help you live it too.

The activity you want to try but are too scared to do on your own; there's a group of people out there doing it who would love for you to join them.

The relationships and friendships you desire are available to you. You may just have to cut out the one's that aren't working for you so you can free up the bandwidth to invite the right ones in.

The trip you want to take but none of your "friends" want to do it with you; there's a company that will plan it, book it and surround you with other like minded people so that you have the experience of a lifetime.

And it starts now. You can start now. At Midlife. At any age or stage.

There are a couple of Midlife Males who's thoughts I wanted to share with you this week - One thing I hope to do with the blog and podcast is aggregate content and viewpoints from guy's out there who exemplify a positive and expansive lifestyle and growth mindset:

Rich Roll -

I didnt reach my athletic peak until 43.

I didnt write my first book until 44.

I didnt start my podcast until I was 45.


At 30, I was certain my life was over.

At 52, I now know it's only just beginning.


If you feel lost, I'm with you. If you feel stuck, I've been there. if you think you're broken, you're not.


It's never too late. Time has not passed you over. No matter where you find yourself, there is always a path forward. Be patient. Be kind to yourself and others. Act in contradiction to fear. Invest in yourself. In time, you will find a spark. No matter how slight, fan it. Build on it. And don't give up until the dim flame becomes a bonfire.

Aubrey Marcus -

This is the best I've felt in a long time. It's not because I've accomplished something special. That's conditional happiness. You can chase that your whole life...It's just that I'm more aware. More here...For whatever is coming up, good or bad. Because in the end, it's all good. That's being human, that's being alive. I'm not being in control of things or having it "figured out"; because I don't! I've accepted that life is infinitely complex and i'll never totally figure it out. But, I'll do my best to live it moment by moment."

Here's a link to a short article on building confidence...And a screen shot from one of my favorite Midlife Males....The Rock because seriously, who doesn't like the Rock?

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