Pretty much every single problem I've had, conflict, disagreement, whatever comes back to me trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Not trusting my gut or going by my intuition. You've got to own all that. If you're in the wrong places, around the wrong people, doing business with the wrong people, hanging around the wrong people, whatever it may be, you've got to own it.
It's on you, not anyone else. Of course you're going to have problems and conflicts that way because you've allowed yourself to be put in situations, positions, relationships, businesses, friendships that are not natural.
They're not authentic. You're not like minded, you're not equally yoked, you're not aligned, and this is in business and personal. We tend to conform and maintain dysfunctional relationships far too long. We continue to work with that client who treats you poorly. We keep seeing that trainer even though we're not seeing results. We keep going out with that friend who we don't have anything in common with any more...I am 100% guilty of this. You've got to bite the bullet and toss the negative people, habits and thoughts you're holding onto in order to make room for opportunities that make you happy.
Earlier in my career had a client for several years and I greatly appreciated the business. This was one of my largest accounts and I knew the CEO pretty well. But for years I would have to go to lunch with this person and listen to them tell the same stories over and over again. I dressed like the person. I would show up. I would laugh at the jokes. I would talk to them in conversations that had absolutely no depth whatsoever. I would listen to the person talk so much shit about anybody and everybody else in their lives and then see this person out with them, the same people, posting pictures with them online and on social media all the time expunging all of their views politically, everything else. And one day, they fired me. I remember it like it was yesterday...I was on vacation. I was devastated thinking about the financial loss, taking it so personally, being angry at them, panicking that I would not replace the business or the lost revenue and how I was going to tell my partners...I made it all about me and put all the blame on them.
I should have fired them years ago instead of waiting for it to happen. I should have taken control of my time and my energy. And you know what happened? They did me a favor. Everything opened up. I didn't miss them. I didn't miss looking at my caller ID and not wanting to take the call. I didn't miss going to the lunches with the person and the annoying fucking attorney that he would bring with them everywhere as if they're best friends and when the guy would walk away he would trash him behind his back. I didn't miss hearing the same stories over and over again. I didn''t miss having to pick up the tab for $500 lunches and want to throw up afterwards...And worse, I had to subject my wife to this too! They're not bad people and this is not even about them, it's 100% about me. Anything and everything you experience can be handled, can be overcome, can be corrected, can be righted to better serve you.
And when you're better serving you the connections become more authentic, the relationships have more substance and you surround yourself with more likeminded people who are a better fit for you, you end up happier, more productive and ultimately more profitable...Your meals tastes better, your business is better, your workouts are better. YOU become better. So stop. Stop doing things you don't want to do with people you don't want to do them with. Stop thinking things are somebody else's fault, that they're wrong and you're right, that they should be seeing things your way and that you need to make them see things your way. Stop waiting to be fired.
Agree to disagree, agree to accept differences. Be confident and secure in who you are. Let them be who they are.
99% of the world, I believe Dave Meltzer said this, can be something and you can be in that other 1%, and there's still plenty of people, opportunity, and things for you. There is always another alternative. There is always somebody or some thing for you, there is always another restaurant, there is always another gym, there is always another client here.
"If it doesn't spark joy, let it go" - Marie Kondo