Happy Halloween! You could judge Kate & I by our costumes but you may want to read the entire post first...
I wrote the newsletter last week when I was just so angry, so bitter, so unrestrained and so judgemental that when I read it back and went to push “publish” I just couldn’t do it...So I invoked the “24hr rule” or in this case more like 72hrs to try and process my thoughts, what I was feeling, what it was that I wanted to say, was what I was feeling even needing to be said at this point, did it align with the four agreements I'm trying to abide by, was what I was focusing on significant or selfish?
Another senseless shooting of innocent people, this time in a Jewish synagogue
Our son having issues with some kids at school
My wife and I having "conflict resolution" issues because our son is having issues with some kids at school
My other son injecting himself into the process so that I'm not even sure whether I should be proud of him for sticking up for his brother or angry at him for being disrespectful to his mother
The people who make the illegal U-Turn right in front of the NO U-Turn sign so they can cut the entire school carpool line in the morning
My hamstring hurts
An underwriter pulled a quote I was counting on
Big things, little things, they all get to me....I wish they didn't, but they do. It's something I work on constantly. My friend Taylor wrote on his blog The Long Game last week that "I used to struggle with giving people the benefit of the doubt. I would typically assume the worst, that someone was acting out of malice or maybe they were lazy. Over the years , I realized this is not the best mindset to have because it only adds stress to your life, which none of us really need. Why can we be so quick to judge others? Why do we hold them to the same standards we hold ourselves?" He's right...
Recently I had a dad write to me in response to a decision I had made that he clearly did not agree with that "The only logical explanation I can come up with is that you must be threatened by me in order to this"...He then went on to tell me all about the the various things going on in his life and making judgement after judgement and assumption after assumption about mine. Never once asking, only telling.
Once I began to stop judging people, I realized just how much people judge one another. What I can confirm about worrying about what other people think is that nobody really cares about the things you're worried about or the "why" behind your decisions, they only really care about themselves and how it affects them.
Gary Vee put out a great quote that said "99.9% of people that judge you or have opinions on you, have no idea what the fuck is actually happening in your life".
What happens when you stop judging/making assumptions is that you free up a lot of mental, physical and emotional capacity. I never realized how draining passing judgment is until I made a conscious effort to stop doing it! "Be strict with yourself but forgiving of others" (Another gem from Taylor). It's true. By letting go, moving on, not fighting every little thing and taking control of that which only you can control you experience less stress, less anxiety, less pressure and conversely gain more energy, more positivity and more time to focus on the things and people that you actually do give a fuck about.
Judging others is a quick way to end up alone. As is allowing the judgement and opinions of others to influence you. People often shy away from judgmental friends and acquaintances. Most people prefer relationships with those who are accepting and empathetic. Whether you are trying to enrich your relationships, or hoping to overcome inborn prejudices, it can help to avoid passing judgment. By making an effort to understand others, focusing on shared humanity, and keeping watch of your judgmental quirks you can improve your interactions with others. You may even find you’re less judgmental of yourself.
Some links to helpful articles and things I've found useful