Mom, I'm Sorry...I Get it Now

I'm one of three boys, I have two boys, my brother just had a boy...We don't seem to know how to make girls in my family, so I've got a little experience on the whole "Boy Mom" thing...It's gotta be tough. In fact, I know it's tough. My brothers and I were not easy growing up; we're still not easy. We fought each other, other people (who mostly deserved it) got into trouble, snuck around, broke bones, had stitches, crashed cars, chased girls, made countless messes (physically, financially, emotionally, mentally...) and we were still pretty good kids overall (I think anyway...).

We still talk to our mom almost every day...Some day's it's to confide in her about what;s going on in our lives, others it may be simply to gauge her daily wine consumption or to find out which "Problem of Prosperity" is causing her grief on which particular day....

I know that each time I hear Meatloaf's "Bat Out Of Hell" on my phone; yes that's her ringtone, don't judge; that something interesting is going to be heard on the other end of the line...

My brothers and I also talk to each other....About our mom...Because she's a bit "out there", irrational, emotional, funny and only the three of us can do that. We're the only one's that have a lifetime of experience with this woman. We're the only one's who can criticize her, poke fun at her and perhaps even understand her...Because she's ours. And no matter what and whatever we say about her, you better not...Or it won't end well. Particularly with my middle brother; that level of co-dependency is most likely worthy of a psychological study somewhere....

I can say this though with 100% certainty...My boys are way better to their mom than we were to ours, so "Mom, I'm sorry...I get it now.".

There is still something about boys and their moms; they will disagree, argue and have bunches of seemingly meaningless disagreements based on the slightest of differences in how to do things ranging from picking a towel up off the floor to how long their pants should be because they seem to grow two inches every two hours YET, there is not a single thing that they still don't come running to their mom to help them with even though they've repeatedly told her that she doesn't get it and that they know better.

Boy mom's are "The bad guy" with the discipline and petty issues that seem to always hit me in the face when I walk in the door at days end (actually the days never really end...I should've said "work" day...Wait, shouldn't say that either because home is "work" too and that would devalue all the work that she puts in and....Ugh, ya see where I'm going with this....It's a confusing game and very difficult, if not impossible to win...) And all I'm really thinking (and not saying out loud...) is "Seriously, this matters to you?"

I'm grateful for these moments though because invariably they lead me up the stairs where I'm making either a hard right or left, depending on which boy is the day's "offender" to have a discussion in their room that resembles (almost exactly) the Jerry McGuire "Help me help you" speech...Something to the effect that "I've known your mother for 20 years now and you my son need to get smarter (faster) about how to handle these things." *Disclaimer: These conversations are usually far more animated and sometimes involve throwing poor mom under the bus just a bit in order to make the boys laugh, win them over (remember, I'm the good guy here) and pacify the situation so that when they veer off this path in the future and I kick them under the dinner table they remember why and get their behavior back on track (I think that's called conditioned learning....But I'm certain I'm fucking it up both in the way I'm using the term and the way I'm applying it in real life).

At heart, boys and their mom's are special and there's nothing that I enjoy more than seeing my boys and their mom together, smiling, being with one another and having fun.

Right now, I've got to hurry this up because I've got to stuff the handwritten notes that each son wrote to their mom (they're shorter then they should be and far too formulaic in nature and I'm annoyed because I specifically told each of them "Make it long and emotional so she cries and doesn't feel like we just quickly bought a card at Walgreens" in the present that we got them (I also need to tell them what the present is so that it appears they were actually involved in the present acquisition phase) and then all shall be well when mom wakes up (and I get back from my XPT pool workout. Yes, she's that cool that she let's me go even on Mother's Day).

Mom, I love you. Kate I love you. All your boys love you endlessly. Thank you for being the beautiful women that you are, inside and out.


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