"I used to think that I was introverted because I enjoyed being alone but it turns out I really liked being at peace with myself and my surroundings and I am extremely extroverted with people who bring me comfort and happiness" - I read this from Lewis Howes the other day and man....He nailed it for me.
New York for a few days. I stayed alone at a very cool B&B in Williamsburg called The Urban Cowboy. Four rooms total and I connected with a guy who 'm pretty sure was the inspiration for Jeff Bridges character The Dude in Big Lebowski. I liked this guy. He was super comfortable in his own skin...
I got to meet some amazing guy's and see some old friends. We talked...A lot.
What struck me is that the conversation's I've been having lately with guy's on the podcast and guy's I'm just meeting for the first time, grabbing a workout or breakfast with are deeper and more meaningful than the conversations I've been having with friends and even my wife and people I've known and that have known me for a long time. Why is that? Do I feel more comfortable opening up to strangers? Is it when there's a microphone and it's an "interview" setting that I feel I can ask more stimulating questions and "go there"? Is it that it's OK to show more vulnerability with those you're not around all the time? Shouldn't it be the opposite? What would my relationships be like if I was able to be like this all of the time and with everyone?
One thing I have found to be true is that "The people you most admire are no different than you." (Tom Bilyeu)
I overreact, I’m emotional, I have a bad temper, thin skin, don’t like to be told what to do, don’t take criticism particularly well, suffer from insecurity issues, social anxiety and let very few people really “in”. I use humor as a defense mechanism, physicality as intimidation, extroversion to hide my introversion and try to please others at the expense of pleasing myself...And, if I happen to have a zit I don’t even want to leave the house....we’ve all got our shit...but I’m working on it.
And it's working...For the most part anyway....How do I know this? Because a lot of the shit that used to fuck up my days doesn’t really register much anymore...Now, none of my “issues” will ever truly go away, it’s the just the way I’m wired, however, I’m becoming more self aware and finding things that help me. I'm also realizing and actually "believing" that everyone has their own shit and that there is no "perfect" or "better"....Only different.
Clarity, transparency and doing less with more focus. That’s what works.
I saw this “road map” the other day and it said “Step 1: Identify what you value in people. Step 2: Identify where this type of person spends time. Step 3: Go there." Is it just that simple? I think maybe it really is....
Now, I have to do a lot of things that make me uncomfortable but I’m getting better at handling those situations...And realizing that those people, deals, behaviors, attitudes can’t hurt me or affect if I don’t let them. I have control of my actions, emotions and behaviors - nobody else.
You can’t always get what you want...But you can get better at handling what you get.
In many instance I may not like what I hear. I may disagree. I can even agree to disagree.
Changing my mindset to accept that the issues, problems and challenges we all face were not created overnight nor can they be solved overnight has been a game changer. Learning how to compartmentalize and have patience is huge growth step.
It isn't about ME...it may feel that way, but it’s not. No assumptions, no judgments. We are all different. We all handle things differently.
One thing that has really helped me is to Lower The Volume.
I'm applying this in every area I can.
I was feeling shitty, sore and over trained....So I lowered the volume. And I feel better, have more energy and am re-energized to train again.
I was spreading myself too thin at work...So I lowered the volume and got rid of the accounts that were taking up too much time for little return
I was tired, over committed and not spending quality time with the people I really wanted to be spending it with...So I lowered the volume and stepped down from a couple of boards, coaching and saying yes to so many things.
Try lowering the volume and see what happens....Let me know