I’ve been thinking a lot lately about "Greener Grass"...
Overhearing conversations at the gym or at work, on the streets, in movies on TV and certainly in my own head that "Things" could be better "IF"...They were just in a different place, firm, job, marriage/relationship, gym, had that one new client, access to healthier food, had a schedule that fit their lifestyle, made more money, felt more appreciated at home and/or at work, had more time...
It’s all too common to always think about things, people or places that might seem better then what you are facing or living with now. That feeling of never being satisfied. One of my close friends put it very bluntly to me the other day.
Most people do not like who they are or where they're at
They go thru life where they’re trying to get to the point where they like themselves or get someplace better
That’s why there’s so much self improvement out there
He's a publisher by the way...Of quite a few self improvement books actually...And quite successful...I guess that's called irony...
So, is the grass greener somewhere else?
And is that what we should be looking for; greener grass?
Or, is the grass is greener where you water it?
I can't answer that for you. I can't even answer it for myself.
We're all built differently and we're all driven by different values, philosophies and ethos.
What comes easily and naturally to you may be difficult and uncomfortable to me.
Can you work for/with someone who’s values, motivations and intent is different?
Can you live/be in a relationship with someone who's values, motivations, intent is different?
Is business personal? Is your personal life a business?
Are you driven by money, business, achievement, margin, power, dominance, leverage? Or appreciation, freedom, balance, relationships, communication...etc...
Do we want people to be just like us? To listen to us? Or do we want people to push us, challenge us, call us out on our bullshit? Make us better?
Maybe the grass looks so much greener over there is because that person, place or thing appears easier, more loving, more appreciative, pays better...Whatever. When what we really need is to be challenged to improve on where we are weak, where things are difficult and to not cut the grass, but rather continue to water it....
Can you look the other way? Can you "Kill it with kindness"? If a situation becomes intolerable can you detach with grace and gratitude if you choose to move on to greener grass?
Are we just too damn hard on ourselves? Or are we not hard enough?
If you're feeling out of control or balance at work then are you overcompensating at home? And vice versa...
"The hallmark of the “grass is greener syndrome” is the idea that there is always something better that we are missing. So rather than experiencing stability, security, and satisfaction in the present environment, the feeling is there is more and better elsewhere, and anything less than ideal won’t do."
Here are some things to look out for, consider and work on from an article I found online:
Repetition. A pattern in your life of constantly wanting better and repeatedly seeking change in relationships, jobs, environment.
• Perfection. It’s one thing to go from an abusive relationship to a positively-functioning relationship, but it’s another to feel that a string of functioning relationships are never good enough. There may be a search for the fantasized ideal taking place.
• Wanting to have and eat your cake. This is in line with the struggle of compromise. If you must have every want and perceived need that stimulates you, then it’s likely that the grass will never be green enough unless you’re the only one on the grass — and even then, it won’t be green enough because of what may be missing from this picture.
• Wanting to run away. If you see a pattern of being unable to settle in one geographic place, relationship, job, etc., there are deeper reasons for this than just not being in the “right” environment.
• Ultimate dissatisfaction. If you enjoy constant change, and living out this sort of life, then there’s technically nothing wrong with this. But if the reason for the constant change comes from repetition of dissatisfaction, and if you’re looking to become more secure, stable, and settled, then this is an issue to look into.
Digging into the root causes of these feelings and emotions is really helpful. I'm gonna keep working on this and practicing being grateful for the have's and not the have not's....