I've had a long standing toxic relationship with my ego.
Your ego tells you, you deserve things.
You earn things.
Your ego tells you that "You’re right and they’re wrong".
They're not...You can simply agree to disagree.
Your ego tells you that "You can handle it yourself".
You can't. Nobody does anything alone.
Your ego tells you that you need to be in control.
You're not. Control is relative.
By breaking up with my ego I have quietly found what I enjoy doing after 30 years of trial and error; success and failure.
It takes time. Lots of time, tears, struggle, comparison, evaluation, victories, heartache, loss, disappointment and joy but you keep finding what it is you don’t like, what doesn’t work and ultimately you start spending more time on what does.
When I took ego out of the equation I learned that all my hobbies don't need to become businesses.
That I don't need to be the boss.
That I don't need to win all the time.
That I don't need to compete everyday.
I just need to do things that I enjoy, with people who I enjoy and focus on adding value.
Great work leads to more work.
Great people leads to more people.
By breaking up with my ego and my former beliefs that I needed to be in control, the entrepreneur, the center of attention and that anything was actually about me, I've actually become more confident, valuable and resourceful.
I'm able to provide a service, expertise and experience that no one else in my industy has to offer. I'm able to once again enjoy activities, hobby's and work that had become uncomfortable and cause strain.
There's no ego in that. It's letting go.
My ego used to have me constantly keeping score. I'd fixate on who didn't like me, didn't want to work with me, didnt "get me"...That's a draining and negative way to try and live.
Now my ego feeds me positively with encouragement and belief that it's a big world out there; we're all different and can make our own lives.
Ego tells us meaning comes from activity, that being the center of attention is the only way to matter. It doesn’t matter.
Whether or not you’re right, the winner, the better man, the richer or fitter person...Other than your ego, nobody really cares.
When we break up with our ego, we’re left with what’s real: rock-hard humility and confidence. (Psychology Today)
Whereas ego is artificial, this type of confidence can hold weight.
Ego is stolen; confidence is earned.
Ego blocks us from happiness. It stands in the way.
No wonder we’re exhausted.
No wonder it feels like we’re on a treadmill.
No wonder we lose touch with the energy that once fueled us.
So how do we break up with our Ego?
Here are 10 tips that I have found helpful:
1. Replace ego and resentment with empathy. A conscious daily shift in mindset. You never know what someone else is going thru. It's rarely about you.
2. Feed it. Do things that make you happy with people that make you happy. Avoid the things that don't.
3. Let go of bad habits...Replace tequila with coffee, TV with books, news with meditation and positive information.
4. Pump up your appearance...Exercise and take care of yourself. Step up your style. It builds confidence. Physically craft the image you wish to project.
5. Walk the walk. This is the hardest one by far. However, by reducing the number of "walks" (ie: I don't try and do everything anymore) I can focus more on being true and "walking the walk" on the things I do take on.
6. Practice forgiveness & letting go. “The weak can never forgive."
7. Practice honesty and being open. Write it down if you have trouble saying it.
8. Surrender your need for control. You don't have to be the chairperson, you can simply volunteer. You don't need to own the gym, you can just go to the gym. You don't have to try and beat the system, you can navigate within the system.
9. Enjoy silent moments with yourself. Make the time. Take the walk. Ride the bike. Sit still. Hav coffee or a meal alone. Go for a drive.
10. Practice gratitude. Write down three things each day that you are grateful for. This simple step to starting your day makes a huge positive impact.
Ultimately, it comes down to whether we choose to live our lives according to the demands and delusions of the ego or make the conscious intention to align ourselves with kindness, appreciation and security.
Choosing to always be conscious and to live according to our core values provides us with infinite possibilities and the peace, passion and purpose that we all deserve as people.
Conversely, living unconscious and according to the ego results in stress, unnecessary resistance and much less desirable consequences that you do not deserve.
Our ego is that voice within us that demands everything and pulls us along a path that is difficult and filled with obstacles.
The ego robs us of the peace that we deserve.
We all truly deserve to live the best lives we possibly can while we're here.
However, the ego interrupts this process with endless mind games.
It’s time to take back what is ours and break up with our ego.