My son Harper has this Rolling Stones T-Shirt he wears all the time. Last night at dinner I asked him if he could name any Rolling Stones songs? The answer was “No”, which means I’ve failed as a musical influencer, however immediately he pulled out his phone, which means I’ve failed there to on the no phones at the dinner table rule and he started to rattle off song titles.
He landed on Emotional Rescue. One of my favorites. I’ve never actually paid attention to any of the other lyrics though, I just like the song. The title’s always stuck with me though.
I tend to play and replay situations over and over again in my head. Like an athlete watching game film, trying to see their mistakes, learn from them, study an opponent and improve.
What would I say, if I had to do over again What should I have said? Did I listen to what was actually being said to me and how did I respond?
What would I write, what should I should have written in that email? Or should I have not written or said anything at all?
Do you argue?
Or do you just agree to disagree and move in a different direction.
Did I make the mistake?
Did the other person?
Does it matter? Did we both hear what we wanted to hear and interpret it how we wanted to for our own benefit?
Where was the gap in communication or understanding? Or was there none and the actions that were taken simply don't match the agreement, communication or directive given that was the clear in the objective in first place?
What do you do?
It's easy to say “Just move forward.” To try and “Not dwell on things”.
To tell someone “Don't stew over your mistakes and failures. You either win or you learn”.
But it's very challenging in practice to apply this consistently and successfully (at least for me it is) and to get out of your own head.
To get out of your own way. To rescue your emotions.
To not want to win (all the time), challenge the status quo, some thing or someone.
When you combine putting a lot of pressure on yourself along with putting a lot of faith in people, it’s a burden.
When part of your ethos is to take business personally.
When you're prideful, even egotistical, to a degree.
It blinds you at times.
How much more work does it take to be able to let go?
To detach with love, empathy and grace.
Not every deal works out, not every relationship is successful. Why is it so hard to focus on the things that have gone well rather than fixating on the things that have gone wrong?
I've been less active this week on social media.
It's been a long week and I haven’t really been in a pretty picture mindset.
And because I have real shit to deal with, as we all do.
It doesn’t matter what “shit”, we all have our own.
And when this stuff rises, I'm not as inclined to be posting about my food or workouts.
My head isn’t in that space.
And that's okay.
It's not my job to have to appear to have it all together all the time.
If anything it's more of my responsibility to talk, write, display
and be transparent with the reality that it's not all pretty and picture perfect.
That it takes a whole lotta work to make anything look easy.
And that being real is…Real hard.
Working through adversity, challenges and obstacles is where the true magic is.
But that doesn't make actually doing it any easier.
That doesn't make it any more palatable.
That doesn't give you the ability to just snap your fingers and clear your head.
Some of us…Me, have a really hard time flipping that switch.
No matter how many techniques. You try.
No matter how many books you read, podcasts you listen to experts you hire to help coach you
Sometimes you can't get out of your own head and it just takes time.
I could write a list of things to do to try and help you get out of your own head, to relax, push past things (breathe, exercise, walk, yoga, pet your dog…See, there’s a list and you already knew everything on it, right?) but based on the emails, DM’s and texts I get weekly perhaps there’s some more value in continuing to acknowledge and be open about the fact that despite appearances, I can assure that there is no “perfect” and that I myself do not always feel like “You’re killin’ it bro” (insert fist bump, bicep, high five, gratitude emoji here…). Although I am thankful to receive the support and despite that I don’t even know most of the people that send me these and they don’t really know me either, it still feels good in some strange 2020 social media, networking, community kind of way.
And it’s not that misery loves company either. I’m not into that. The pity parties. It’s a simple look around. At people, places, things. There is always something to be grateful for. To be learned. To be valued. To give. To support and to be supported.
And to feel.
Spend a little time rescuing your emotions today. It’s pretty powerful.
And crank up the Stones.
In health –