I was all prepared to write this week’s piece on Coaching Or Therapy; and trying to understand the differences and the connotations and perceptions of both…And I’m still going to get to that...But WOW! Andrew Luck man…Andrew Fucking Luck comes out and drops his retirement bomb…If you haven’t yet seen the video, I've put a link below. Watch it. It’s deep man. Money, fame, passion, the NFL, the thing he’s been doing his whole life…And it just doesn’t “Do it” for him anymore. He’s mentally burned out. I’m not going to spoil it all for you here, so just go and watch the video, listen to him talk about the process, the evaluation, the support system, the need to “Choose Me”…Ok, so maybe I did spoil it a bit, but watch it because he articulates his feelings very well and sets a powerful example by having the courage and self-awareness to put himself first. Good stuff.
I’ve never cared that much about Andrew Luck as a football player or paid that much attention, but as a man I’ve gained tremendous respect for him in just this 5 min press conference.
What Luck is dealing with is not that much different than what a lot of us guys are struggling with. Mental burnout…Or at the very least, feeling on the verge of mental burnout in one or a number of areas in our lives.
Our job is not that exciting anymore. We’ve topped out. We’re not being challenged, heard, appreciated, fulfilled or compensated like we feel we need to be.
Our marriage doesn’t have the same passion anymore. The connection has faded. We’re not getting laid, blown, fed, coddled, put on the pedestal or made to feel like a “man” as much as we used to.
Our bodies aren’t responding to training the same way or recovering or maybe we’ve just let ourselves go or continue to train thru injury or to overcompensate for other issues and we’ve gotten into this rut or unsustainable pattern.
The one consistency in all of this is that:
We keep looking for someone else to blame...
The system at work is broken. We don’t have the power to make decisions or change our fate. It’s the systems fault.
We’re don’t get enough sex at home. Wife’s always tired or busy. We do so much and are rarely appreciated or have our efforts reciprocated. It’s her fault.
We don’t have the time to workout, take care of ourselves because we’re too busy taking care of everyone else, earning a living, doing our jobs and everyone else’s because it’ll all fall off the rails if not for us. It’s everyone’s fault.
But let me challenge you here...because I’m in the process of challenging myself too
Is the system at work really broken or do you not know how to positively work within the system and also find your own happiness outside it?
Are you still doing some or any of the same things today that you did when you were dating/courting/first trying to sleep with your wife and get her to go out with you in the first place?
Have you used everyone else and “all the things I have going on”as an excuse to put yourself second (or last)?
Before we get into Coaching OR Therapy...let me save you a lot of time and money...if you’re not willing to accept that YOU'RE THE PROBLEM and that your issues are your own then don’t bother...if you’re unwilling to accept that you’re 100% accountable and responsible for your mindset and situation then most likely neither will make that much of a difference for you. Kinda like going to rehab before you've hit rock bottom. You've got to want to get better first.
If you're still looking to vent, blame, commiserate and hold others responsible then you’re not there yet. Keep bitching to your friend or calling that guy who “Has to listen to you” because he works for you, is related to you or just can’t seem to say no (we all have these people in our lives…)...Eventually that person WILL stop taking your calls, meeting with you and being there for you, because all you do is complain, bitch and tell them why you’re right and everyone else is wrong and how unfair life is...When you don’t have that persona anymore, trust me...you’ll go looking for a coach or therapist...Or get a dog…
Coaching Or Therapy:
One of the most common misconceptions about life coachingis that it is therapy in disguise — or, worse yet, therapy from an unlicensed practitioner. In reality, life coaching is truly its own unique service designed to help ambitious achievers meet the outcomes that will bring them success and fulfillment, in any and all areas of life. Here are some of the differences between life coaching and therapy, and a basic guide for when each service is appropriate. (Tony Robbins)
Let’s break down some other misconceptions.
"Coaching" is positive while "Therapy" is negative
“Self-care” is positive while “Coping with anxiety” is negative
“Buying something” is positive while “Saving” is unnoticeable
“Thanking” someone is negative while “Not giving a fuck” is being praised
“Hustle and grind” is positive while “Sustainability and longevity” are frowned upon
“Quitting your job” and going solo makes you an entrepreneur while “Buckling down”and being part of team means you’ve settled.
Get rid of these perceptions. Immediately.
I know a lot of you suffer from things we don’t speak of. We’re not good at this as men.
Life’s not always easy. Communicating with someone who can support you can help alleviate some of the anxiety and issues you’re dealing with.
DEFINING TERMS: LIFE COACH VS. THERAPIST
What is therapy? Therapy, also called counseling or psychotherapy, is a long-term process in which a client works with a healthcare professional to diagnose and resolve problematic beliefs, behaviors, relationship issues, feelings and sometimes physical responses. The idea behind therapy is to focus on past traumas and issues to change self-destructive habits, repair and improve relationships and work through painful feelings. In this sense, therapy focuses on the past and on introspection and analysis, with the hope of resolving past issues and creating a happier, more stable future.
What does a life coach do? The difference between a life coach and therapist is that a life coach sets clients up with a process that may be long or short-term, instead of regular sessions. In life coaching, a client works with a coach, who is not a healthcare professional, in order to clarify goals and identify obstacles and problematic behaviors in order to create action plans to achieve desired results. The process of life coaching takes the client’s current starting point as an acceptable neutral ground and is more action-based from that point onward. A life coach enables the person receiving treatment to take control of their life and take action to steer it toward their goals.
So what’s the answer? Which one if any is right for you? I can’t answer that. The spoiler is that maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s neither. It all depends on you.
Questions, comments are always welcome and encouraged. If there’s ever anything I can do to help, just ask. I’m neither a coach or therapist or an expert at anything…