I just got back from two weeks in NY. I saw many different parts of NY. I spent time alone. I spent time with many different types of people. I experienced a variety of settings, activities, lifestyles and weather…I observed, I thought…And I asked myself a ton of questions and wrote down pretty much whatever entered my mind…So I put them into an interview format to organize my thoughts.
What do you like better the city or the country?
In upstate NY I stayed in a tent at Greenane Farms. I loved the tent – the air, the quiet, the fire, the grill, the ability to wake up and workout outside. I slept like a baby. The property was beautiful. I woke up with no inflammation, puffy eyes, feeling great…I didn’t love it when it got really cold and rainy though…I’m still spoiled and glamping in ideal conditions is awesome… Not so ideal conditions is well…not ideal…
I hate the city. Can’t stand it. I like a lot of things IN the city, restaurants, museums, live music… but the city itself, fucking hate it…The traffic, the people, congestion, attitude, mass transit, buildings, elevators, above ground, under ground, the grime that invariably coats your skin…Couldn’t pay me enough to live there again. I don’t want to hear about the hustle, grind, energy…Not my thing…I don’t need to spend time there anymore…
Love the Hamptons – not the see and be seen Hamptons. The Wednesday/Weekday Hamptons. The beach, the air, the green, the farms, the food, the wineries, laid back style…We stayed at Topping Rose House in Bridgehampton. It was amazing. Simple, clean, stylish, relaxed with amazing bedding, fluffy towels and robes a great little table and chair so we could sit outside our room… Pool and hot tub so I got in a little contrast therapy session as well. Could’ve easily stayed there for a month.
Do you prefer to be alone or with people?
I really enjoy being alone. However, and I’m stealing this from Tim Ferris’s podcast with Jerry Colonna (google this guy!) because I could identify with it spot on, is that when there’s a tiny bit of space in my life I tend to want to fill it....My solution to feeling anything I didn’t want to feel was that I’d add more activities to drown it out...So now I try to build in empty space which is where spending time alone has become a major breakthrough. I still fill the time through meditating, reading, journaling, eating, exercising…I’m just more present and the activities are more purpose driven, less avoidance.
I am a people person though. They just have to be my people and if they’re not, I just can’t do it anymore. I’m an “introverted extrovert” so it leads people to believe that I like being out, socializing and being around them more than I actually do. I also suffer from social anxiety. Perfect example, we were in Cooperstown for my son’s baseball tournament and a group of the dads took a house together; all great guys…I just couldn’t do it…I need my space. I’m too easily influenced and would get off my routine, feel uncomfortable, would stress me out...
Now I have small groups of people I train with, my coach, my family, a few close friends, my band and places that I go where I feel comfortable…I also stay home a lot...That’s enough.
What’s your relationship with money?
I’ve had a breakthrough in financial security recently – I do fine. What’s enough? My grandma used to say “Coffins don’t have pockets”…Kids go to private school, we have a nice house, cars…I’m not a bigger is better person or more is better. In fact, I prefer small, simple, clean…I don’t need 10 watches or cars (I do need 100 pairs of sneakers…) I prefer quality over quantity. A little “Fuck you” money is nice so that you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do. However, I’m really blessed in that I have a career where I can set my own hours, work with clients, families and people I really like am compensated well and there’s residual income. I have a weird relationship with money. I grew up with it and around it. I like it and obviously need it…Don’t need all of it though. That too comes at a cost... You’re not going to impress me with money. I’ve been around every type of wealth you can imagine and I’m 100% certain that money doesn’t buy happiness and I’m not interested in people who are motivated by money. I like to travel, have nice things, want my kids/family to be able to do what they want. I’m a bit spoiled and enjoy luxury, eating well, living well, but have developed a strong distaste for the flashy and wasteful. My money tends to go to experiences over things. I am big on estate planning though…My dad died at 47 and if it wasn’t for some very good decisions he made, my life (and my mother and brothers lives) would’ve been very different.
What advice would you give your kids?
This could go on forever but here’s last week’s list (*idea - maybe I should just publish each week's notes/texts)…I write them short notes and texts constantly as well as long diatribes…I’m sure they think I’m annoying. My dad was always a big letter writer and I always liked getting them, opening the envelope and reading them...Of course this was all before texting and email...
Embrace the ordinary, the awkward , the greatness, the newness , the challenges , the love , the discomfort , the real that life will present you.
Show up. Be authentic . Stay true to you. All the things.
Keep moving forward. You never have to look behind you because we will always have your back!
Appreciate your rhythm.
Trust your intuition...Your gut instinct is usually right. If something doesn’t feel right, look right, smell right… Get going.
Don’t expect the system to conform to you. Learn to work within the system.
Do what you say you’re going to do.
It’s never on them. It’s always on you.
You don’t need to make big pronouncements about anything; just do the work...Actions do speak louder than words.
Take the time to get to know yourself…Really know yourself. Then, do you.
I don’t give my wife advice; she gives me advice…BUT, if I was it would be very simple (and don’t go taking this as if we don’t have a “deeper” relationship…It was cold and I was alone in a tent when I wrote this)…Feed me, fuck me and make me feel confident, appreciated and loved and I can run thru walls. As a species I think men have pretty basic needs…We just want to feel like men. The number one thing I hear from guy's is that they don't feel appreciated...
I am not good in moderation but I happen to think that “everything in moderation” is good advice.
You only need a few true friends.
What are you not saying/doing that needs to be said/done? Start there.
Get a coach.
Stop overthinking, comparing and competing.
Life is short. Just Live.
We don’t stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing.
Leave the party earlier...
Do your job. Control what you can control and don’t gossip.
Productivity and motivation comes in waves / peaks and valleys. Embrace it - don’t fight it.
If you’re not feeling it one day or so, ride it out…It’ll come back.
If you’re unhappy you have two choices; improve the situation or change your situation.
Don’t bring problems without also proposing a solution.
I have a ton (*another idea, publish list of pet peeves) but this week it’s… Don’t hire by phone/in person and fire by text/email. Man up and go out the way you came in. Tired of all the keyboard cowards out there.
What advice would you give to adults?
When you’ve got shit going on…And we all have shit going on…Work, family, money, life, etc…Whatever the situation, just ask yourself this first “How would you want your children to handle this situation?”. "Are you following the same advice you’d give your kids?" Leading by example? If you wouldn't be proud of your kids for acting a certain way, then don't do it yourself. Don’t be a hypocrite. We need to call more adults out on this...I see it constantly and really believe that if we lived by this premise the world would be a much better place.
How do you see yourself?
I am generally a good person....I can finally say that. Anger and anxiety are my issues. That's enough for today.
What are you focusing on now?
Three things primarily.
I’m revisiting my goals for the year. We’re midway thru so it’s gut-check time to hold myself accountable.
Visualization – Particularly “Vivid Vision”. I’m writing three (One at a time as I tend to get ahead of myself ) Business/Career, MidLife Male, Personal…This is a 3 year’s out kinda thing of where I want to be in each of these areas.
Starting to train for the D10 Decathlon in November.
Do you have rules?
Yes, and I change them all the time as well…Not sure that’s considered breaking the rules if I’m also the rule maker…
Here’s a few…
I’ve now taken to check email 2x per day: morning and late afternoon (This is new and isn’t working but I’m trying)
Invoke the 24hr rule – ie: Do not respond to anything I’m angry, annoyed, peeved or emotional about for min of 24hrs (This has worked wonders).
Do not text anything of importance. Call
Meditate 1x per day
Tell my wife and kids that I love them every day
What do you want to do more of?
Coaching - One of the reasons I’m drawn to coaching is because of how much I need it and how much I've gotten out of it. as well. Giving advice, sharing experiences , listening and being of service is gratifying, fulfilling and provides happiness.
Shoot more video…I just need to get passed my fears, self-consciousness, insecurities and giving a shit about what people will think and just start doing it…
What do you want to do less of?
Giving a fuck…It’s so hard for me. I actually really do give a fuck and it's such a waste of time and productivity.